indecision

so at some point

miss_miso asked me five questions, and instead of doing the five, i just decided to do question five for now, which was:

part one: I watched this documentary recently and thought of you! Now, maybe you prefer darkly intelligent thrillers, but what I really want to hear about are the schlocky, cheesy horror films you love in spite of yourself.

okay so here's the thing? when i was twelve? i was madly, and i mean MADLY in love with vampires. i am not sure how or why and i feel i have gotten over it now (i mean really, why on earth would you want to live forever? and not just that but then your life is dependent on the continuous death of others? i think not!) i mean sure true blood is the coolest tv show right now, and the vampire diaries is pretty awesome, but being a vampire is pants! that said, i, once upon a time, was really enamored with these awful, awful (mostly) made for tv vampire movies comedies. yes, i said comedies. none of that "vampirism is hot and sexy and depressing", not for me. i was a really miserable teenager and comedies were the best way to get away from that. and vampire comedies? GOLD.

nightlife stars ~~barnabas collins~~ ben cross, as a vampire who was abandoned cruelly by his lady love, and now is back to win her love once more. and by win her love i mean kidnap her until she loves him again. which is how vampires court, i feel. i highly doubt it has stood the test of time - my teenaged humor taste - no okay i've not really matured much since then, but i'm entirely certain it's terrible. or...possibly it was never good to begin with. some awesome person put it up on youtube though, which is amazing, i never thought i'd be able to watch it again!

nick knight so this was the tv movie that inspired the often ridiculous but really kind of badass forever knight (about the vampire who becomes a cop in order to atone for his sins), and i remember watching the pilot episode for forever knight and going "i have watched this exact same movie twenty times only it starred rick springfield what fuckery is this!" i was pretty upset until i realized this meant i actually got a tv series to watch twenty times instead of this one movie to watch twenty times? i feel it was a win for everyone! coincidentally enough, forever knight was pretty much my first slash fandom, and nick/lacriox were one of my first otps (the others were fraser/either ray and mulder/krycek). but this is how i discovered slash anyway! through USENET omg! i was...underaged but fortunately i knew how to count backwards, so that didn't stop me none. this movie is sadly not available on youtube, except for the first few minutes, but it doesn't really matter, the pilot ep of the tv series is pretty much exactly the same except with different actors. and that is available on youtube. oh, early nineties hair and clothes, how i love you so. also watching the first five minutes of that ep, i'd forgotten how gay nicholas and lucien were for one another.

my best friend is a vampire so basically robert sean leonard aka. dr. wilson on house is a teenager who gets bitten by a vampire and turns into one, replete with the usual vampire drawbacks, ie. an aversion to garlic, fear of sunlight, need for blood, etc. but since this is a comedy, no-one actually dies. the fearless vampire hunter eventually gets turned himself, and um, some other stuff happens that i don't remember anymore, but it's funny. this isn't on youtube as well, curses, but um, for some reason someone made a vid for it? i don't know why! youtube is magic!

fright night and fright night II are also about teenagers coming face to face with vampires, except this one is a little more typical. in the first movie the protagonist's girlfriend looks identical to the true love of the vampire that moves across the street from him, and it's up to him to save her. this movie is actually pretty violent, people die, but it's still funny - i kind of think the sequel is better? this time the vampire is female, and she's out for revenge or something because her brother died (whups, goes the protagonist. so sorry!) they do the tango at some point and people skate down school hallways in the dark.

part two: For extra credit: recast one of them using some of your celebrity crushes.

and then A. and i decided we would like to recast the lost boys, thank you very much. and yes if you're wondering, would they go there? YES WE DID. ~~OR DID WE~~ the ages don't match up, sadly - very few of these people would be able to be in this particular movie unless hiro can actually time travel and wants to help us out here.

adrian pasdar as michael

We tried to find a picture of AP as Caleb? But we could not find a single appropriate picture or screencap, which is bizarre. Why make it so difficult, AP! But I feel that AP was born a decade before every celebrity photo is in hi-def and on the net, so really the only great photos one has of him is very possibly heroes-era. But then we stumbled across this photo, and is it not perfect?

(Post the vampires, by the way, Michael totally spends all his time hovering outside Sammy's door, hoping to be invited in. For um, PTSD brotherly bonding times, yes.)

milo v. as sammy

Post the vampires, Sammy's totally convinced that his brother hovers outside his door at night, just waiting for him to open it. He's afraid to open the door mostly because he doesn't want that to not be true.

jane adams as lucy

This was the toughest to cast! Did you know that most hollywood women in their forties look like they're thirty at most? It's kind of creepy, honestly. Hollywood, age isn't something to be afraid of!

alan arkin as grandpa

"One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires."

aldis and edwin hodge as the frog brothers

So we couldn't find a picture of the Hodge brothers as kids, so this is them all grown up. They've left Santa Carla far behind now, and keep their favorite comic books in the trunk of their car together with the weaponry and the incantation books. Sometimes they bump into the other pair of hunter brothers they know, but everyone around the Winchesters has a tendency to die, so Edgar makes sure they head in the other direction as fast as they can.

katee sackhoff as ~~david~~ diana

Three words: Diana/Star/Michael.

Thank you, and goodnight.

michelle rodriguez as ~~dwayne~~ winona

Did you know that there are two million pictures of Michelle Rodriquez on the net looking badass? Because there are. Anyway, Winona, for sport, likes to beat the pretty out of Paul while Marko watches. He heals, so it's okay. She doesn't want to permanently damage him, just make him bleed a little.

nelsan ellis as marko

In a super AU world, Marko survives this movie and then becomes human again, running off to become a cook only to find himself surrounded by vampires ONCE MORE. Because life sucks that way.

matt bomer as paul

Paul: You killed Marko!
Edgar Frog: Yeah, and you're next!
Paul: No, you're next!
[Paul sees garlic in the bathtub]
Paul: Haha! Garlic don't work, boys!
Edgar Frog: TRY THE HOLY WATER, DEATH BREATH!

zoe saldana as star

I would just like to point you in the direction of this video aka the scene in which Star and Michael do it to an eighties power ballad.

christoph waltz as max